So you just found out you’re pregnant! Maybe this is something you’ve been dreaming of for years. Or maybe it caught you by surprise. And now you may be adjusting to the idea of a new life growing inside you and all the ways your life is about to change. No matter how you got here and how you’re feeling emotionally, I wanted take some time to share how I have prepared for my pregnancy and birth. And what I feel has helped me ultimately have a healthy, peaceful pregnancy. I hope it can help another soon-to-be mama feel as “ready” as possible when the big day comes. My biggest fear was, “Am I ready?”.
It was important to me to feel educated, informed and empowered through my pregnancy and when the big day came. Of course, being a first time mom, I didn’t really know how to go about that initially. So I did a lottt of research and I’m so glad I did!
Your Healthcare Provider: OBs vs. Midwives
I would first recommend researching and comparing Midwives and OBs in your area as well as different birth place options. Many people don’t know the difference between these two types of care providers. I have learned that your choice in care provider is the number one influencer in how your birth will turn out. I will try to give a short and sweet explanation of what the difference in approaches are between the two main options in the U.S.
Obstetricians (or OBs) have an MD degree and are surgeons who typically practice in the hospital setting. They are invaluable for when complications arise and medical interventions such as inductions or c-sections are necessary. One consideration to understand is that sometimes when you have interventions at your disposal in the hospital setting, you are more likely to use them (even when you may not initially plan on it). Some of these interventions can then snowball and lead to more interventions or even to unwanted practices during birth such as episiotomies, medications, forceps, and unnecessary inductions/c-sections. Letting birth happen naturally (without medical interventions) takes A LOT of patience and the birthing person needs A LOT of support.
Certified Nurse Midwives (or CNMs) are trained that birth is a natural process that womens’ bodies are made to do and that birth is best left alone with as few interventions as possible. They can practice in your home, in hospital settings, or at birthing centers. They know the stages of labor and because of the way they work and the settings they work in, they are typically able to allow birth to take longer if needed and provide fewer interventions. We are lucky to live in a world that has both OB and CNM options, because there are certain situations that call for both. However, the philosophy of the care provider you chose will greatly influence the decisions made during your birth and how it turns out. Issues may arise when women feel that they didn’t know what type of birth they were going to get and end up feeling disappointed or traumatized by the way their birth was handled.
It’s impossible to fully explain all the research and comparisons between different providers in this short (Hah!) blog post, but I definitely encourage you to read up on the different options and be open to changing your provider during your pregnancy as needed, as you will inevitably learn more about the options as you go along your pregnancy journey. As you gather information about the type of birth you want, it is important to find a provider that matches your personal philosophy as it develops.
The provider I chose…
Personally, I decided to go with a midwife group that also has one OB in the practice. They work based out of a hospital setting. For me, this was a great combination of as much medical intervention as needed, while hopefully giving me the emotional and environmental support I will need to attempt an unmedicated vaginal birth. My hospital also happens to have a more birthing-center like room that includes water birth options and birthing balls and other pain relief options, which can help give women other strategies to try first before resorting to an epidural.
Keep in mind, you will have plenty of appointments with your provider, giving you the opportunity to continually interview your providers and make sure you trust them. So that if they do recommend a c-section or certain intervention after a 20+ hour labor, you fully trust them and their recommendations. I also think it’s really helpful to write out a “birth plan” with your goals for the type of birth you are striving for and to be open to contingency plans and have room for flexibility with changing the plan as needed on game day. This can be done towards the end of pregnancy once you feel fully immersed in the birth world and you know what your personal priorities are.
You won’t regret listening to (or reading) birth stories
Aside from selecting your provider, the most valuable thing I believe you can do is listen to as many birth stories as you can. Birth is unpredictable. Hearing all the different possibilities may be intimidating for some people at first, but I really believe knowing what can happen in birth makes it not so scary. Knowledge is power. You start to notice patterns so you have an idea of what many births have in common, but at the same time, you notice all the variations and decision points you might be faced with. One of the best ways to do this for me was listening to The Birth Hour Podcast. I have personally listened to probably over a hundred of her episodes by now, and I think they really have given me a foundation for what to expect no matter what happens during my birth. I think it’s a great place to start even before you are pregnant just to begin familiarizing yourself with some of the terms and concepts around birth – because it can be so foreign when you first start learning about all the different things that can happen.
Hire a Doula
Another piece of advice I got early on, was if you can afford to prioritize and invest in it, hire a doula. This is one of the best ways to have an extra advocate on your team during birth, no matter what provider or birth setting you are planning for. A doula is a birth coach, someone who is experienced with attending births and can teach ways to cope with the pain, provide emotional support for both you and your partner, teach you massages, and relaxation strategies to help you during labor. They can also help you and your partner advocate for the type of birth you want when the two of you are inevitably overwhelmed with the emotions and experiences of your first birthing experience.
There are some creative ways people overcome the financial barriers that come with hiring a doula. For one, you can always hire a doula in training, as they are always looking for opportunities to attend births and often offer their services for free or at discounted rates. You can also place a “doula fund” on your registry, which can help your friends and family support you in a way other than materially during this time. For my husband an I, having our Doula on or team has given us the peace of mind that we will not be making decisions alone on the the day of our birth. We will have someone to ask what to do in early labor, what to do if labor stalls, when to go to the hospital, how to navigate any health concerns that come up such as being GBS positive or having gestational diabetes or preeclampsia. It has really just made us feel supported and less in the dark as first time parents.
Take a childbirth education class (also breastfeeding and normal infant sleep classes!)
Next, I would definitely suggest everyone take a birth class. There are SO many options. The main ones I have heard of include The Bradley Method, Evidence Based Birth, The Know Your Options Childbirth course, and Hypnobirthing/Hypnobabies courses. You can find many online options these days, that typically meet 2 hours on a weekly basis anywhere from 6-12 weeks. I would suggest taking one early in your pregnancy, maybe somewhere between 12-20 weeks. I think it is invaluable to get the nutrition information early and learn about the birth world, so that if you do want to make any changes to your birth provider/team you can do that before you get towards the end of your pregnancy. I also think it is an amazing opportunity to connect with your birth partner (whether that is your romantic partner, or a sister, or a friend). Having someone to go through this process with to help you tackle all this new information and debrief all the choices along with your fears and emotions will set you up to feel supported during labor and not so alone. All of the classes have different pros and cons. Many birth partners also say the classes are invaluable in helping them feel prepared for birth and even the hormonal changes their partner will go through during pregnancy and postpartum. One last thing on classes – hospitals often offer birth courses as well, which are better than nothing, but sometimes are only a few hours, which doesn’t allow enough time to get all the information across.
Being a birth nerd, I opted to take both the Bradley class and the Evidence Based Birth course with my doula. Both were super informative and helped me build relationships with other expectant mothers. Without a class, I do not think I would have felt as comfortable with all the medical aspects of birth in the U.S. (but of course, you don’t need to go overboard and take 2 like me!). On a practical note, the more intensive courses are usually a few hundred dollars, but I would look into options for getting the one you choose covered through insurance. You can usually at least use HSA accounts towards the classes.
Prepare your body! Get support. Take a prenatal fitness class. See a specialist
Physically, there are also all sorts of options and you have to find what works for you. I personally think prenatal Pilates and Yoga are two of the best things you can do. They help you connect with your breathing and pelvic floor muscles which are two things you will inevitably need to be familiar with during birth. I also think they are great because they are both mind/body practices and can include mediation components.
I have done Pilates private prenatal lessons via zoom (my instructor is based in NYC, her name is Maddie Andersen with MAM Pilates) twice per week my entire pregnancy and I really credit it as the number one thing that has made me feel good about my body during pregnancy, still be able to work in a pretty active health care job, and still do fun activities such as walks and bike rides with my husband and dog and going out with friends to explore Chicago! Walking and swimming are also other great activities to do while pregnant.
As far as other physical practices, I have tried acupuncture, chiropractic adjustments, pelvic floor physical therapy, and prenatal massage. All of these mediums offer a way to relax and help get your body aligned during all the changes it is going through on a weekly (sometimes daily) basis. For me, pelvic floor physical therapy has been the most useful. This could have been because of my specific symptoms which included tailbone, foot, and pubic symphysis pain. The pelvic floor PT as well as my Pilates teacher have combined breath work, massage, and exercises in a way that has really been able to release the tension and teach me ways to prevent the pain and also cope with the pain at home when it comes on. In some other countries pelvic floor PT is a routine part of pre and post natal care. Many people in the U.S. have never heard of it before. It’s basically a physical therapist that specializes in the pelvic floor muscles! They can teach you preventive exercises to help with back and pelvic pain during pregnancy and also can teach you how to breath during pushing and ways to avoid that scary thing (…tearing).
I would suggest trying whichever medium most appeals to you and don’t be afraid to try someone or something new if you do not connect with a certain provider. I tried several different places/practices before I found the PT that I felt like really was helping me in the ways I needed. Many of these services also can be covered by insurance.
If you like to read, these books (and app) recommendations are for you!
Lastly, there are of course several books and apps I used to prepare and bolster my knowledge base. I am sure there are so many more, I have continued to find more throughout my pregnancy, but I will list the ones I have found helpful so far. The Expectful App is an amazing meditation app geared towards pregnancy and motherhood. I have always wanted to get more into meditation, but have found it hard to commit to. I honestly think this app and being pregnant gave me more of an avenue to meditate because I felt like I was not just practicing with myself, but I was connecting with my baby. The app also makes it very accessible by providing 5, 10, or 20 minute meditations for each topic, so it’s easy to pick up throughout your day even if you don’t have very long. They even have a hypnobirthing class included on the app that’s very easy to listen to, as it’s broken up into 5 minute increments.
The Ovia and Baby Center Apps were great for short snippets that update you weekly about how your baby is developing in the womb and what symptoms to look out for! I read the following books: Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth, The Wise Woman’s Guide to Pregnancy, The Womanly art of Breastfeeding, Birthing from Within, How to not Hate your Husband After Kids, and Sweet Sleep is next on my list (and is recommended but none other than the sleep guru herself, Nadda)! I took bits and pieces from each of these books and they all helped make me feel prepared for the transition into motherhood.
Spinning Babies is also a helpful website that has exercises you can do to help encourage your baby to move to the correct position for a smooth birth. And one last plug – take a lot of baths during pregnancy if you can, drink 100 oz of water per day, and sleep as much as possible. Those 3 things have been the smaller things that really have helped keep me sane through all the physical changes.
Final thoughts
Now that I’m approaching my due date I’m feeling more calm and confident in this whole process. I hope by sharing what has helped me feel “ready” throughout my pregnancy experience can also support another expectant parent. It has been a journey. But I truly believe taking the time to educate myself throughout the process and having a combination of resources has been so much more valuable than any material items could have been during this time.
Of course, you may not have time to explore all of these different options and may find some of them more valuable for you personally than others, but this is a place to start. I’m excited to keep sharing with you all in real time as I go through birth and embrace this journey of motherhood. What was your number one pregnancy resource?! I’d love to hear in the comments below.
Warmly,
Abby
